April 9, 2009
Alright Ben Gibbard. I tried really hard to hate you when I found out your band was getting so famous and rich for bastardizing the idea of indie music. I got more upset when I found out you were losing weight and there was no more ‘oh, he’s rich and famous but he’s still kinda fat’ thing. And then, when you got engaged to Zooey Deschanel—the girl I even found sexy in The New Guy when she had a thicker lisp and armpit hair—I kind of wanted to wake up one morning and check Pitchfork and read some article about you being eaten alive by dingos while shooting a music video in the Australian Outback. But then, all that changed. Because I listened to Transatlanticism again, and I forgot about all the shit you do that makes me jealous. I remembered you’re a lot like me.

Alright Ben Gibbard. I tried really hard to hate you when I found out your band was getting so famous and rich for bastardizing the idea of indie music. I got more upset when I found out you were losing weight and there was no more ‘oh, he’s rich and famous but he’s still kinda fat’ thing. And then, when you got engaged to Zooey Deschanel—the girl I even found sexy in The New Guy when she had a thicker lisp and armpit hair—I kind of wanted to wake up one morning and check Pitchfork and read some article about you being eaten alive by dingos while shooting a music video in the Australian Outback.

But then, all that changed. Because I listened to Transatlanticism again, and I forgot about all the shit you do that makes me jealous. I remembered you’re a lot like me.

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