March 25, 2009
I feel like it’s been enough months or years as needed to play the ‘hindsight’ card. If I come off arrogant, here’s your half-hearted apology. When I get interested in women I like to give myself tons of chances to get to know them emotionally and mentally, because obviously if I’m into them there’s got to be either a great reason to pursue them, or a great reason to dump them. Time is the only surefire way to determine the leaning of that great reason, and usually I find that time is the best gauge of intelligence, or ‘depth,’ if you will. Some of the women I know appear to be brilliant, deep thinkers. Some do not. And unfortunately, when I get latched onto a girl with romantic intentions, she tends to be the latter a lot of the time. It’s not her fault, actually; I just live with the hope that she’ll exceed my expectations for her cerebrally. Of course, that’s probably impossible because I want someone far more intelligent and challenging than I am, and I understand (not in arrogance) that I’m somewhere on the upper curve in terms of those things. I speak in stupid eloquence, I goad my vocabulary over people, I avoid getting into certain conversations for fear of calling someone a retarded retard. What I’m getting at is these girls—many of them as beautiful and well-meaning and yes, intelligent, as the retarded retard in the photo above—are not to blame. I am. It’s a tough reality that I don’t really want to live with, but I have things to figure out. For the time being, I suppose I’m just a few years too young to appreciate someone for the way they stimulate my mind, after they’ve stimulated my brain.

I feel like it’s been enough months or years as needed to play the ‘hindsight’ card. If I come off arrogant, here’s your half-hearted apology.

When I get interested in women I like to give myself tons of chances to get to know them emotionally and mentally, because obviously if I’m into them there’s got to be either a great reason to pursue them, or a great reason to dump them. Time is the only surefire way to determine the leaning of that great reason, and usually I find that time is the best gauge of intelligence, or ‘depth,’ if you will.

Some of the women I know appear to be brilliant, deep thinkers. Some do not. And unfortunately, when I get latched onto a girl with romantic intentions, she tends to be the latter a lot of the time. It’s not her fault, actually; I just live with the hope that she’ll exceed my expectations for her cerebrally.

Of course, that’s probably impossible because I want someone far more intelligent and challenging than I am, and I understand (not in arrogance) that I’m somewhere on the upper curve in terms of those things. I speak in stupid eloquence, I goad my vocabulary over people, I avoid getting into certain conversations for fear of calling someone a retarded retard.

What I’m getting at is these girls—many of them as beautiful and well-meaning and yes, intelligent, as the retarded retard in the photo above—are not to blame. I am. It’s a tough reality that I don’t really want to live with, but I have things to figure out. For the time being, I suppose I’m just a few years too young to appreciate someone for the way they stimulate my mind, after they’ve stimulated my brain.

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